


The Empty Vessel

by jesatria



Series: Lost and Found [1]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Gen, trigger warning: suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 11:31:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesatria/pseuds/jesatria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tahno struggles to cope with the loss of his bending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Empty Vessel

          Water.

          It greeted Tahno harshly, not at all like he was accustomed to. Water had been a companion, a faithful servant who answered to his every command. It should’ve embraced him like a lover.

          He floated. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind he knew things were happening above him, but he could not make out anything.

          There was an emptiness inside him that hadn’t been there before.

          It occurred to him that he ought to swim. With some effort, he willed his limbs to make the motions that were as second nature to him as walking. His arms and legs responded sluggishly, as if they were made of lead. He’d learned to swim shortly after learning to walk. Why was it so difficult now? Eventually his hands closed on the cold metal of the ladder.

          He hoisted himself onto the platform as darkness closed over his mind. He knew no more.

**

          When he came to, he was in a hospital room.

          People, most likely healers, hovered over him. _Healers? I don’t need healers! I can heal myself!_

          “… might’ve been a cheater, but he didn’t deserve _this_.”

          “… to win it all, and then lose it all…”

          Win.

          The tournament.

          Amon.

          Everything came back to him in a single horrible flood. He could see that terrible white mask before him, eyes like black pits, a thumb descending to his forehead… _No, don’t think about that. No._

          He struggled to sit up in bed. A healer noticed and quickly fetched a pillow to prop him up. “Take it easy,” she said. “You’ve been out for a few hours.”

          “Water,” he croaked. Tahno cringed at the sound, hardly believing it was his own voice. A glass was promptly pressed into his hand. The healers stood around his bed in silence, grave expressions on their faces.

          He felt nothing.

          The water used to call to him. He could feel its presence in his veins. It had always been there, as long as he could remember. Water had always felt like an extension of himself, a sixth sense.

          He could not sense the water in the glass.

          Tahno raised his other hand and made a simple waterbending motion. The water remained stationary. He repeated the motion. Nothing happened.

          _No._

 _This isn’t happening._ He’d been able to do this since he was barely three years old. He could waterbend before he could read.

          _If I just try again…_

          The water refused to move.

          _No._

_NO._

_This is NOT happening._

_It’s not gone._

_IT’S NOT GONE._

          “I can’t do it,” he whimpered.

          One of the healers sat in the chair by his bed. “Do you remember what happened at the arena?”

          “I remember winning the championship, Equalists attacking, Amon…” The image of Amon flashed in his mind once again. He shuddered.

          “Take it easy,” the healer repeated. “Don’t force yourself.” Her voice was calm and soothing, just like the water she used. “I know this is a difficult thing to accept, but we believe that Amon has taken your waterbending away.”

          Her words unleashed a flood of memories. Amon’s voice rang in his ears, speaking with pride about cleansing him of his impurities. The thumb touched his forehead. Tahno nearly screamed at the memory of the violation, but forced himself to keep silent. Then came the feeling, the horrible, horrible feeling that someone was ripping apart his spirit. It was as if someone pulled apart his soul and put it back together wrong. He could feel the pressure of Amon’s thumb on his forehead along with a sudden jab of pain. It shot through every part of his body, soon to be replaced with a strange numbing sensation. It began at the point where Amon touched him before coursing throughout his body. He felt like a gutted fish.

          There was a terrible absence where his waterbending used to be.

          “It’s not gone,” he whispered. Perhaps if he repeated that enough, it would be true. Better to focus on that than the violation and mutilation of his soul. He repeated the simple waterbending motion again, willing the water in the glass to do something, anything.

          It would not respond to him. It would not answer his call. His hand began to shake, causing droplets of water to splatter his hand. He felt the wetness, but that was all. There was nothing left of the connection he’d always had with water, the ties that bound him to his element. They were severed as cleanly as if someone had cut them with a knife.

          The glass fell from his hand. Water spilled across his blanket. A healer picked up the empty glass and bent the water out of the blanket. The sight of someone else waterbending was too much for him. Tahno curled up on his side, back toward the healers, and wept bitterly. He couldn’t recall the last time he cried. Normally he would never do something like that in front of others, but he hardly cared about it now.

          The empty place within him felt as wide and deep as the Great Divide. He was no longer whole.

**

          He was unsure how much time had passed when the healers informed him he could leave. Time seemed to lose all meaning now, along with his awareness of what went on around him. He heard talking, but he was unable to focus on the words. All he knew was the emptiness inside him. He closed his eyes and forced himself to focus on what was being said. “Leave?”

          “Yes,” said the healer who’d informed him of this disaster earlier. “You are free to leave the hospital.”

          “Oh.”

          “It will do you good to spend time in comfortable and familiar settings. Do you have any family or friends in the city? Emotional support is important to have when dealing with trauma like this.”

          Right. His family was half a continent away in the Foggy Swamp. He hadn’t even seen any of them except Gran since he’d left home for Republic City nine years ago. Even if they had the money to come visit, Tahno wasn’t sure he’d want most of them to know what happened. Gran, though… he wouldn’t mind seeing her. Tahno dismissed that thought as soon as it entered his head. Gran was eighty-seven years old. He could not ask her to make the trip. And friends? Most of his fans and groupies would probably desert him now. He was damaged goods, hardly an attractive prize. There was always Ming and Shaozu, his only real friends, but they were going through the same thing he was. _Do not think about pro-bending._

          “Yeah. Yeah, I’ve got friends and family here.”

          The healer gave him a skeptical look, but nodded. They left the room then to give him a bit of privacy while changing. The outfit he’d worn to the arena yesterday had been neatly folded and placed on a chair. He rose slowly from the bed, dressed only in his underwear and a hospital gown. His fingers fumbled a bit as he pulled on his clothes.

          Underneath them lay his pro-bending uniform.

          _Do not look at that._

Some time later, Tahno stepped into his custom-made Satomobile convertible. It had been his pride and joy, once. He drove home mechanically, his mind completely unfocused on what he was doing. Life in the city continued much as it always had. It made Tahno angry and jealous. He did not have the option of continuing his life as if the events of last night hadn’t happened. Somehow he made it back to his apartment without causing any accidents.

It was just as he’d left it yesterday, before the catastrophe. Tahno supposed he should’ve found that comforting, but he didn’t. The first thing to catch his eye after he stepped in the door was the balcony. He rushed over to it and yanked the door open. This balcony had been the sight of plenty of wild parties and drunken antics. Normally the memories would’ve brought a smile to Tahno’s face, but all of that seemed so meaningless now. That life was over, and he could never go back to it.

          The empty place inside him burned with a sharp pain. It was impossible to ignore. He was broken and incomplete. Surely death would be preferable to living life this, with his soul mutilated. Only an ornate wrought iron railing separated him from the oblivion he craved. It would be easy, so easy, to end it all right now. The fall from the high-rise luxury apartment building would kill him for sure. Tahno wondered if it would be quick and painless. He wasn’t sure if he could take a drawn-out and painful death. Better to make a clean end…

          He stood on the bottom rung of the railing, hands gripping the top. The wrought iron really was beautiful- the work of skilled metalbenders, for sure. He moved a foot up, resting it in a loop of intricate scrollwork. Was it true that you couldn’t bend in the Spirit World?

          The wind blew his hair, limp without his daily hair care regimen, into his face. Just as he lifted his foot to stand on the top of the railing, a voice at the back of his mind spoke up. _Going to let Amon win, Tahno? This is just what he wants you to do- give up._ He stepped down from the railing. The voice in his head did have a point. He pictured Amon reading about his demise in the paper, the mouth of his mask curving up into a sadistic smile. _No. I will not give that fucking bastard the satisfaction of driving me to suicide._ It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been through hard times before. Those first few years in Republic City had not been easy. He’d been a naïve country boy with nothing but a suitcase and a pocketful of yuans. If he’d managed to get through those rough early years, he could get through this.

          _But I had my bending then,_ he reminded himself. _No matter how bad things got, I was still a waterbender._

          He walked back into the apartment. His eyes immediately went to the large glass display cabinet against the wall. It was here that Tahno kept the remains of his past glories. Three gold championship trophies stood on the center self, surrounded by other mementos of four years of pro-bending success. Several team pictures in expensive frames lined the shelves. There were framed articles as well. Behind the shelves hung three uniforms, the ones he’d worn during each championship win. The back of the cabinet was plastered with posters and more articles. All of these things had once been a source of great pride to Tahno. Looking at them now was like being stabbed in the gut. They’d changed from reminders of his greatness and achievements to taunting reminders of everything he’d lost. None of it mattered now.

          Tahno stormed over to the cabinet. He could no longer bear to look at it, any of it. He pulled the doors open roughly, breaking a hinge. They slammed against the sides of the cabinet. Shards of glass fell. Tahno grabbed one of the trophies and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall with a bang. He shoved all the continents of the shelves to the floor. Picture frames smashed, littering the floor with more glass. He ripped the newspapers and posters apart, the torn shards falling amidst the broken glass. He yanked out the final shelf and threw it aside. The other two trophies fell to join the rest. Tahno flinched, unable to look at them. He tossed his old uniforms on top of them.

          Tahno sank to his knees. The remnants of his former life lay broken, torn, and shattered around him. _Gone. It’s all gone._ His own face looked up at him, as if taunting him. _Everything I worked for, all of my dreams… gone._ It was as if he’d been reduced to who he was when he first stepped off the boat.

          He curled up on his side and wept, tears soaking into his old uniform.

**

          It was not any easier the next day. Tahno was unable to sleep. The empty place where his bending had been was an open wound, filling him with pain. Thoughts of ending it all crept back into his mind, but he dismissed them. Instead Tahno made for his liquor cabinet. He’d not eaten since returning home, but he couldn’t care less about that. His mind craved the blissful nothingness that alcohol could provide. He was extremely grateful that he kept his liquor cabinet well-stocked. He went for the Foggy Swamp moonshine with no hesitation. There was nothing like the comforts of home to help him cope with the destruction of everything he held dear. Gran had sent this bottle with her last letter.

          Tahno flopped down on the sofa, taking a swig from the bottle. _Maybe I should call Gran._ His hand moved toward the phone. He picked up the receiver, but his fingers did not dial the number for the Foggy Swamp.

          “Hello?” said Ming.

          “Hey.”

          “Hey Tahno.” Ming’s voice seemed to take on more despair with those two words.

          “How… how are you doing?” he asked, finding it suddenly difficult to speak.  
          “Not good. You?”

          “Same.”

          A heavy silence followed. It hit Tahno like a punch to the face. When were things so awkward between him and Ming? They’d known each other for years, as both friends and lovers. He’d met him before meeting Shaozu. But talking to Ming didn’t bring much comfort. “You talked to Shaozu at all?” Tahno finally asked.

          “No.”

          “I thought I’d call him after talking to you.”

          “You’re captain.” Hearing his former title was another stab in the gut. Ming quickly realized his mistake. “Er… I mean… I guess I’ll call him later.”

          “Ok. Well, I guess I’ll call him now…” He’d nearly hung up when he heard Ming speak again.

          “Tahno, we’re still the Wolfbats, right?” There was a sense of desperation in his voice, as if he needed reassurance that their lives hadn’t fallen apart completely.

          “I…” Tahno halted, finding it hard to continue. How exactly could he offer any words of comfort when he knew there were none to be had? But Ming was one of his oldest friends. He was the first man Tahno’d ever fucked. They’d been through so much together… “Yeah,” he said, as much to convince himself as Ming. “We’re still a team. We’ll always be the Wolfbats.”

          Ming was quiet for a moment before answering. “Thanks, Tahno. Well, I guess I’ll let you go. Talk to you later.”

          “Yeah.” He hung up, pausing a moment before dialing Shaozu’s number. The phone rang several times before the firebender finally answered.

          “Hello?” Shaozu’s voice sounded weak and tired, quite unlike the passionate firebender he’d been before. It pained Tahno to hear it.

          “Hi.”

          “Oh. Hi, Tahno.”

          “How are you doing?”

          “Bad.”

          “Yeah, me too. I just got off the phone with Ming. He’s not doing too good either,” he offered.

          Shaozu sighed. “I guess it’s the same for all of us.”

          “Yeah.” Talking to him wasn’t any easier than talking to Ming. “We’re still the Wolfbats, though.”

          “I guess. Can we really call ourselves that when everything that made us the Wolfbats is gone?”

          His words sank like a stone. “You might be right about that, but we’re still friends.”

          “I don’t know, Tahno. I… I’m not sure I want to talk right now.”

          Tahno couldn’t really blame him. “Ok. I just wanted to see how you were doing. I’ll leave you alone now.” He hung up. Unconsciously, his gaze drifted over to the remains of his career scattered across the floor. He flinched and looked away, unable to bear the pain of the reminder. _I need to get out of here, get out of this apartment and go somewhere else._ Visiting his teammates was out, so there was only one option.

          Perhaps there was a healer in Republic City who could undo whatever Amon did and restore his bending. For the first time since the pro-bending final, Tahno allowed himself the luxury of hope.

**

          “I’m sorry,” said the healer, “but I have no idea what’s been done to you. Physically, you’re perfectly healthy. Your chi is flowing fine…”

          “… except for the detail that I can’t bend.”

          “Well, yes, but your chi appears to be flowing normally.” The healer paused to make a notation on his clipboard. “All evidence points to your bending being gone permanently.”

          Tahno’d heard that multiple times in the last couple days. It didn’t make it any easier to hear. “Yeah. That’s what the others said.”

          The healer set the clipboard aside and met his eyes. “I’m truly sorry for what happened to you. You’re free to go now.”

          This was the tenth healer he’d been to. He’d gone through a list of the best in the city in a vain hope they could restore his bending. It had been the same with each one. The bubble of hope that swelled in him deflated a bit more each time until finally it burst. He had to accept the truth. His bending was gone and it would never return.

          He drove home quickly, having no desire to remain around other people any longer than necessary. He’d hardly stopped at home in his quest to be healed. Home was still full of painful reminders, but it was the only place he wanted to be right now.

          The apartment was still a mess. Tahno felt no motivation whatsoever to clean it. It wasn’t like anyone came to visit him these days. He hadn’t bathed since the finals. The thought of immersing himself in water made him shudder. Before, Tahno never went a day without bathing. He liked the feeling of power he got when submerged in water. His body would sing with the sheer joy of contact with his element. Now it was only another reminder of what he’d lost. For the first time, Tahno wished he’d been a firebender. It was much easier to live each day without having to deal with fire than water _. Damn Shaozu. That lucky bastard,_ he thought bitterly.

          Tahno wrinkled his nose. He smelled awful. He’d been wearing the same outfit for the last several days. _Well, I can’t exactly go the rest of my life without bathing._ He pulled some clean clothes out of his wardrobe and walked into the bathroom with the demeanor of a man walking to his death.

          The bathtub was quite large. Tahno had made use of that size on numerous occasions, bringing many lovers there. There was a lot to be said about fucking in water, especially for a waterbender. With some effort, he pushed the pleasant memories from his mind and turned on the water. Tahno stared at it for several minutes, watching the stream flow from the faucet and fill the tub. He placed a hand beneath the faucet. The cold water fell through his fingers. _This is the closest I can get to waterbending now._ Tears ran down his cheeks. He made no move to brush them away.

          Slowly, he stood and stripped off his dirty clothes. He stepped into the tub, now half-full.

          He never bothered with the hot and cold taps, always heating the water himself. It was freezing. Tahno had always preferred cold water, finding it invigorating. Why a waterbender who’d never so much as seen either pole would feel that way, he wasn’t sure. His feet began to go numb before he finally lowered himself into the water.

          It was clear from the moment he sank into the tub that it would be impossible to pretend nothing had changed. There’d been nothing quite like submersion in his element. Such contact with water made his entire body throb with feelings of power. A waterbender was at home in water, and he was no exception. That feeling was gone now, gone with all the rest.

          Hot tears continued to slide down Tahno’s cheeks, falling into the bathwater. _It would be easy to end it here,_ he thought. _A more fitting end for an… ex-waterbender than jumping off a balcony._ At least this way he could feel the water’s embrace one more time before slipping into death…

          _Going to give up again, Tahno? Gonna let Amon have that satisfaction? What happened to not letting that fucking bastard drive you to suicide? We’ve had this conversation before._

          Tahno shook his head. He would not drown herself in the tub, no matter how difficult it was to be immersed in water. He needed to focus on the task at hand, which was getting clean. There was a time when he’d take nearly an hour every time he took a bath. He loved relaxing in clouds of expensive bubble bath while scrubbing himself with equally expensive soap. He never skimped when it came to beauty products. This time he cleaned himself and washed his hair as quickly as possible. Better to get it over with than linger in the bath. There was no point in putting the extra effort into his appearance now.

          It took Tahno some time to locate a towel. He never kept many around, since he’d used his waterbending to dry himself. At last he found a worn towel, one of those they kept in the arena showers. How it ended up in his bathroom, Tahno couldn’t say.

          _Do not think about the arena._

          He felt marginally better after changing into clean clothes, but the feeling dissipated once he walked back into the lounge. The remains of his former life were still scattered all over the floor. Tahno averted his eyes and headed straight for the liquor cabinet. He knew it wasn’t wise to drink so much without eating, but he didn’t care. What mattered the most now was numbing the pain. He settled himself on the sofa with a bottle of Foggy Swamp moonshine and a cigarette, not bothering with a holder.

          It didn’t take long for the alcohol to take hold of him.

**

          He was drowning.

          The water was closing over his head. He floated downward, completely unable to stop the descent. His body burned with pain, radiating outward from a point on his forehead. He opened his mouth to scream, but his lungs were filled with water…

          Tahno sat upright with a start. The nightmares had been his regular nighttime companions since _that day_. Sleeping had become impossible. No matter how much he drank, he couldn’t banish the horrible memories completely. It didn’t matter anyway. He was due at the police headquarters today for questioning. _As if the events of_ _the final_ _weren’t fucking obvious_ … Unfortunately, this meant that he would have to wait until later to get drunk. A single shot with his breakfast would have to suffice.

          He went through the bare minimum to make himself presentable. In all honestly, Tahno didn’t care. All the time he used to spend on his appearance seemed completely frivolous now. His hair, though clean, hung limp in his face. He threw on the first clean clothes he found and hastily did up his shirt buttons. Finally, he pulled on a pair of ankle boots. Tahno almost forgot he had them and couldn’t recall where exactly they came from. A drunken purchase, most likely. He didn’t need to look in a mirror before leaving to know he was a mess.

          The drive to the police headquarters went swiftly _. Better to get this over with right away. Then I can get drunk and forget for a while._ After giving his name at the front desk, he sat on one of the benches to wait. Metalbender cops and civilians went about their business, no one paying him any attention. Once that would’ve bothered Tahno, but now he welcomed it. He didn’t need them staring at him like he was some kind of freak. His condition wasn’t contagious, yet he’d noticed people deliberately avoiding him as if they might lose their bending simply by getting close to him. He didn’t need that and he didn’t need their pity.

          He was startled out of his thoughts by a familiar figure walking toward him. Korra. She’d been his enemy in the ring, though Tahno admitted he’d taken a liking to her. From the moment he first laid eyes on her, he’d wanted to fuck her. She’d have been a nice change of pace from the usual fangirls, he was sure of that. Fighting her had been almost as fun as imagining her naked and moaning in his bed. Everything was different now. Sex and pro-bending were the furthest things from his mind at the moment.

          “Hey, Korra.” The words left his mouth before he had time to think about them. There was something… comforting about Korra’s presence.

          “Tahno?” She was clearly surprised to see him in this state.

          He gave her no reply other than to glance at her. He kept his gaze fixed upon the polished floor of the police headquarters. As little as he cared about his appearance right now, some small part of him was ashamed that she’d seen him like this.

          She sat next to him. “Listen, I know we’re not exactly best friends, but I’m sorry Amon took your bending.”

          Whatever he’d been expecting from this encounter, it wasn’t that. He hadn’t been very nice to her in their previous meetings, after all. But Korra was the Avatar. The Avatar was supposed to be above things like sports-related grudges. Gran had met Avatar Aang briefly during the Hundred Year War and she’d always taught him that the Avatar was the greatest force for good in the world. He knew that he could trust Korra. “I’ve been to the best healers in the city. Whatever Amon did to me, it’s permanent.” It hurt to admit what he’d heard from the healers, but there was no point in continuing to deny it to himself.

          Korra looked at him with compassion and understanding in her turquoise eyes. He began to comprehend what Gran had said about Avatar Aang. He’d been a symbol of hope, the promise of something better. Tahno didn’t want to get his hopes up; he knew better than to do that. But something about Korra made him shove those reservations aside.

          “You gotta get him for me.” It was the Avatar’s duty to keep balance in the world, and the world would surely suffer if a complete monster like Amon remained in it. As much as he would’ve loved to get revenge on Amon himself, Tahno knew that wasn’t possible. The best he could do was ask Korra to do it for him.

          She nodded, determination in her face. Tahno felt reassurance wash over him. They sat together for several moments, a relaxed silence settling between them. Tahno felt more comfortable in her company than anywhere else he’d been since _that day_. It was a surprising development, but not an unwelcome one. When Councilman Tenzin informed him that they were ready for him, he found himself reluctant to leave Korra’s side. As he rose, he turned to look at her once more.

          “See you around, Uhvatar.” He gave her a small smile and a salute before following the airbending master to the interrogation room.

**

          The interrogation proved to be extremely draining. Forcing himself to relive every moment of the final had been extremely unpleasant. Every day since had been spent trying to suppress the horrible memories. Recounting his experience made the gaping wound inside him hurt even more than it already did. He wanted nothing more than to return home and drink until the pain receded.

          He sighed. That would have to wait a little while. It was time he called Gran and told her what happened. It didn’t seem right that a councilman and the Chief of Police knew the details of what happened, but one of the few people Tahno honestly loved knew nothing about it.

          Tahno took a deep breath and picked up the phone. He dialed the number for the Foggy Swamp and waited apprehensively as the operator made the connection. Had Gran listened to the match on the radio? She usually listened to all of his matches, with the rest of the family joining her for the championship tournament. That thought made Tahno profoundly uncomfortable. No one should have to hear Amon’s horrifying speech. But beyond that, deep down Tahno knew Gran would be very disappointed in him for cheating. Shiro Shinobi had been sure to announce it to the world.

          The phone rang several times. At last, Gran answered. “Hello?”

          A wave of comfort swept over him at the sound of her voice. “Hi, Gran.”

          “Tahno? Is that you, boy?”

          “Yes. It’s me.”

          “Been too long since you called me. You been too busy with that tournament of yours?” He felt a stab of guilt at her words. It was true that he hadn’t called her since before the tournament began. It seemed like centuries ago.

          “I’m sorry, Gran. I was busy with the tournament.”

          “Well, didya win?”

          He had to force the words out. “We did, but something else happened at the final match.”

          “I was gonna listen on the radio, but the darn thing broke right before. Nobody could fix it,” she explained. Tahno breathed a sigh of relief. He steeled himself before beginning the story.

          “There’s this… group in Republic City right now called the Equalists.” He spat out the name like it was poison. “They say they support non-benders’ rights, but what they really want to do is take over and eliminate all bending.”

          Gran gave a horrified gasp. “What is goin’ on in that city of yours? I ain’t never heard talk of anything like such nonsense!”

          “I don’t know, Gran. I don’t understand it either.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “The Equalists attacked the pro-bending arena right after we won the match. Their leader, Amon, he…” The image of Amon flashed before his eyes and he could feel the pressure on his forehead once again. The horrible sensation of his soul being violated threatened to overwhelm him, but he made himself continue. “He took my waterbending from me.”

          Silence. A minute as long as an hour passed before Gran spoke. “He did _what?_ ”

          “He took my waterbending,” Tahno whispered. “It’s gone.”

          There was another moment of silence. “Oh Tahno, I’m so sorry.” The pain and sorrow in her voice was evident over the phone. Tears threatened at the corners of Tahno’s eyes again. Gran had been his waterbending teacher as a child. Most of his mastery he owed to her teaching. It was not easy speaking of this to her. He could only imagine how she felt hearing it. “How are you doin’ now without it?”

          “I…” How could he explain what it felt like to cringe every time he saw water, to shudder at the thought of bathing? How could he tell her that part of him was missing, leaving him nothing more than an empty, broken vessel? But he wouldn’t lie to Gran and tell her he was fine. “I’m not doing well, Gran. There’s this empty place inside of me where my waterbending used to be. I’m not whole, and I know I won’t be whole again.”

          It was then that he broke down, the tears he’d held back finally bursting free. The sensation of water on his cheeks only made it worse. _Tearbending is the only waterbending I can do now._ In between his sobs, he heard Gran murmuring words of comfort, the same words she’d used to soothe him countless times as a child. He was transported back to the swamp, to a simpler time when all he had to worry about was avoiding his brothers’ teasing and catching enough fish for the day. Tahno was never prone to fits of nostalgia. He could count the times he’d longed for the swamp since coming to Republic City on one hand. Now he felt a strong urge to leave everything behind and return home. Gran’s words changed to the swamp lullabies no one had sung to him since he was a young child. He still knew all the words, and found his lips forming some of them between his sobs.

          “Thank you, Gran,” he choked out when his sobs subsided. “I guess you don’t outgrow the need for that.”

          “No, you don’t. I’m here for you, Tahno. You need someone to be with you now. I’ve a mind to come up to that city myself and show this Amon what happens to fools who tangle with our family!”

          The image of Amon taking Gran’s bending came to his mind. “No!” he cried.

          “You sure? I reckon this fellow would learn his lesson if I brought my catgator along.” Gran had always kept catgators. She trained them herself and they would attack at her command. They were all fiercely loyal to their master. The image of a catgator taking a large chunk out of Amon amused Tahno greatly. Entertaining as the possibility was, he couldn’t risk Gran losing her bending.

          “Gran, you don’t have to come here. It’s ok. Please. I know how much you care about me and… it means so much to me that you would offer to do that. It’s safer in the swamp right now than in Republic City.” The words pained him, but they had to be said.

          She sighed. “All right. I’ll stay home. But maybe you should come down here. Best to be with your kin at a time like this.”

          He thought of what the healer said to him on the first day. “You may be right about that, but Republic City is my home now. I need to stay here. No way will I miss Avatar Korra taking Amon down.”

          Gran chuckled. “ I remember when you insisted that Republic City was where you belonged all those years ago. You haven’t changed at all. Well, at least promise you’ll call me to let me know how you’re doin’.”

          “I will, Gran. I promise.” He paused a moment, a small grin creeping onto his face. “You can call me too, you know. I don’t think I’ll be going out much.”

          “Don’t think I won’t!” she retorted before continuing in a somber tone. “I’ll tell your Ma and Pa. They ought to know.”

          Tahno had hardly talked to his parents in years, but she had a point. “Thank you.” It had been hard enough telling Gran, let alone any other family members.

          “I want one more promise from you before I go,” she insisted.

          “What?”

          “Take care of yourself. You’re still Tahno, bendin’ or no. Remember that. This Amon bastard can’t take that from you.”

          His bending had been his life for so long… Who was he without his bending? It was just like what Shaozu had said over the phone- could he still call himself Tahno if everything that made him Tahno was gone? Yet even through his doubts, Gran’s words soothed his damaged soul. “I promise, Gran.” It was times like this which made him realize how much he missed her. “I love you.”

          “Love you too, boy.”

          After Tahno hung up the phone, he lay down on the sofa. The moonshine still beckoned to him, but he did not immediately reach for the bottle. He felt better than he had since before that day. His conversations with Gran and Korra were like healing water for his wounds. Things would not be easy; the days ahead would be filled with more anguish and grief. But Tahno knew one thing for certain now.

          He would survive.

 

**Notes**

This is basically a prequel to my other Tahno post-bending fic, _Things That Remain_. Both can stand alone, but I’ve decided to make them into a little fic series. Next up will be Korra restoring his bending once she returns to Republic City.

 

Foggy Swamp & Technology- in my headcanon technology has made it to the swamp, but it’s not terribly prevalent at this stage. Tahno’s family only has 1 radio between them, for instance. His family is one of only a handful that has electricity.

 

Gran- basically I have the same headcanon as everyone else that Tahno has a cranky grandma who he’s very close to. I picture her being a total badass who fought with the other swampbenders during the FN invasion.

 

Hope you enjoyed the fic! I have lots more Tahnofic planned!


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